Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...ya right.

Hello my friends. I know that it has been a long time since I have blogged, but I have just been waiting for some inspiration. Well, I found it this evening. Funny thing is, the inspiration came from a conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with me.

A silly forward message on facebook between one of my friends and her other girl friends turned into a mess of mean and hurtful words that were completely uncalled for. Basically, to sum it up, one of the girls that received the forward message made a hasty comment about not wanting to receive those messages anymore. My friend was completely classy and held her composure in the conversation...then the conversation became ridiculous. My friend told the girl to "lose the attitude" and the other girl had nothing better to say, so she said "lose some weight, end of conversation xoxo". Everyone who originally received the first forward message was getting all of the other messages as well. These messages were automatically sent to my phone, and as I was reading them I became EXTREMELY pissed off. The claws almost came out to stick up for my friend, but instead I wrote my friend a text message and let her know that she shouldn't listen to what that girl was saying, clearly the girl couldn't find her big girl words so she had to resort to using her preschool words.

This conversation brought up many hurtful memories about the names I used to be called. Growing up overweight was not easy because kids, even adults, can be very vicious. I was called every "fat" name in the book, and was told to lose weight multiple times. Mean words hurt and scar everyone. I can remember almost every occasion where I was called a name, or told to lose weight. I have tried to forgive, but it is not easy in the least. Forgetting the words is even harder. Any human being, no matter how skinny or big, is going to be hurt when you say a negative comment about their weight (and if you say that it wouldn't hurt you, you're lying). It's a very sensitive subject and no one deserves to be called names or told to lose weight. This made me realize that I still have a lot of anger about the names I was called and anger towards the people who hurt me. In order to completely change myself inside and out, I know that I have to address those issues and forgive others...this is going to take some time. I could go on and on about how I can't stand when people resort to making comments about weight, but I will just let it go. However, I will say this...people in glass houses should not throw stones.

Resistance

Hello again! Since last Sunday, I have been feeling so much better. I feel like I have more energy, and the path to losing weight is looking promising. At this point I would like to introduce my work out buddy, Tabbitha. She is one of my closest friends, and is a great work out buddy!

This week has been a week full of resistance. I have had to resist the urge to: quit, eat a pound of chocolate, be lazy, scream, yell, kick, fight and cry because I am so mad about how out of shape I really am. However, I am happy to report that I did not quit, eat a pound of chocolate, be lazy, scream, yell, kick or fight, but I did cry. There is a particular treadmill that I like to do my cardio on, and it just so happens to be facing a window when at night you can see your reflection. My first night back to the gym was Thursday night (I was sick during the beginning of the week), and while I was doing my thing on the treadmill I saw myself in the window and started to tear up. FAT! That is what I was screaming to myself in my head. I told Tabbitha that I was not happy at all with myself, and she had to remind me that weight loss takes time and to just keep doing what I'm doing. I went home that night feeling a little down in the dumps, and all I wanted to do was cry. I started to think back to spring semester of my freshman year when I worked hard to lose weight, and I realized that I felt the same way then that I did now. I felt like this journey was going to take forever and I just wanted the fat to melt off. However, now I know that it is not that easy what-so-ever! I just had to remind myself that I did it then, and I CAN do it now. It is definitely going to be a long road, but I am more than ready to see the fruits of my labor! From now on I will resist the urge to hate my body; I guess I'll just have to see my reflection in the window and know that the body in the reflection is only going to get better in time.

I would also like to say CONGRATULATIONS to my good friends Sasha and Zeb on their engagement!!!!!!!!! Love you guys!!

Time to begin.

(This is the picture that started it all. I'm the one in the middle. I love my friends, they are just so little and they make me look huge! lol (save your comments, I know that I am hard on myself ;))



Well, I guess I should start off by saying thank you to one of my good friends, Sasha. She's a serious blogger, and she inspired me to start blogging. I have never done this before, but I am ready to get started!



This blog is going to be about my journey through weight loss. I have struggled with my weight for my entire life, and I am so beyond ready to lose, and keep this weight off! I have decided that I am going to start blogging about the highs and lows of my journey through weight loss. I plan to write sort of a diary blog and post it every Sunday about how easy or hard my week was with losing weight. The scale and I have a serious love/hate relationship...well more like I HATE stepping on it, and would LOVE to run it over with my car. For this reason, I will only weigh myself on February 28, 2011. On this date I will hope to have lost 30 pounds. That gives me about five and a half months to achieve my goal. (And don't worry, I promise I will only do it the healthy way...no cheating) I "started" my journey about a week ago, but haven't really taken it seriously, so from this point on it is GO TIME! With how many times I just typed the word "weight" I swear people would think I was obsessed about it or something, but I promise I'm not obsessed....it just consumes most of my thoughts. :) I feel like if I start this blog, and God willing people read it, I will have a sense of accountability for following through. Now this doesn't mean I am going to quit if no one reads it, let's make that clear. I am doing this all for ME, I'm not a selfish person, but this is one of those times where I can't be doing this for anyone else but me. I am excited to see the end result, but I know that it is going to take time to lose all of the weight that I really want to lose, so for now I am starting with 30lbs. Words of encouragement are greatly appreciated...just saying. :) Stay tuned to see what Sunday has in store!!